Tomorrow

We'll wake up at 5:15 a.m., and I won't automatically get the first shower. J.J. and Leah will have to leave the house by 6:00. I'll be driving Eli to the bus stop and Zeke (the cat) will have to be closed up in the laundry room so he doesn't claw the furniture like he tends to do when no one is home.

Because no one will be home.

Because six months and nine days after the date that I will never, ever forget, J.J. will be returning to work tomorrow.

Start! Heart Walk

As you all probably know, our lives were forever changed on Sunday, February 15, 2009 when my 33 year old husband collapsed on our stairs on his way to put our daughter to bed. Two hours later, he was diagnosed as having had a single ischemic left MCA stroke. The next day, he was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.

After arriving at the hospital paralyzed on the right side of his body and completely unable to speak, J.J. has made great strides in his recovery. His physical recovery is almost total, his heart function has now returned to the normal range and his speech is better every day. He'll hopefully be returning to work on Monday, August 24, six months and nine days after his stroke.

Stroke is the number 3 killer in the United States and the number 1 cause of permanent disability. This is also not just an issue that impacts the elderly--my husband is living proof.

Our whole family will be walking in the Start! Heart Walk sponsored by the American Heart Association on Saturday, September 19 under the team name Team Erin and J.J. There will be a separate 1 mile walk for stroke survivors that J.J. will also complete as part of this event.

Please consider supporting us with your well wishes, by joining our team and walking with us or by making a financial donation to support the cause of stroke research and awareness. J.J.'s team page can be found at http://heartwalk.kintera.org/indy/jj and my personal team page can be found at http://heartwalk.kintera.org/indy/erin. Doesn't matter which one you navigate to--they are both hooked into Team Erin and J.J.

Thanks for your consideration and support!

Countdown's On!

J.J.'s been busy the last few days bustling about trying to get ready to go back to work. Yesterday, for instance, he spent almost three hours talking to his voc. rehab. counselor at Easter Seals Crossroads, visited our family doctor and had some various bloodwork done. Our doctor still hasn't signed off on J.J.'s return to work (she wanted to get the results of the bloodwork first) but all indications are that when she receives the results tomorrow morning, J.J. will receive the official blessing to go to the office on Monday morning.

J.J. seems to think that after having been off work for six months and having part of his brain die, he'll be able to just jump back into the normal 40 hour work week immediately. I'm a little skeptical, but hey, maybe he'll be okay. We'll just take it moment by moment, I guess.

I'm so incredibly nervous about J.J. going back to work. J.J. is very smart. This has always been a big part of his identity, and he's still just as intelligent as he's ever been. He sometimes has trouble finding words, and I'm afraid that people will treat him like he is slow or won't want to deal with him in the workplace because of this. I guess it's the same sort of panic I'd feel if I were sending my child into a situation where I thought they might be bullied.

I'll update when we have the official all clear for Monday!

And so, for the second time that night...

I watched strangers bustle around my husband, preparing to wheel him away from me. I stood quietly in the far corner while all the wires and tubes that connected him to the machinery in the room were gathered up and matter-of-factly plopped on his chest. One nurse released the brakes on his bed, while another took hold of the bar at the back and steered him through the doorway. Once they were clear, I moved to the threshold of that room and watched them move down the hallway and around a corner. When they were out of sight, I became aware that I wasn't alone; a nurse was collecting J.J.'s belongings from around the room. As she began to fold his pants, a scrap of paper fluttered out of the fabric and seemed to hang suspended in mid-air. I clutched it before it could hit the floor and turned it over. It was the receipt from the previous night's takeout dinner.

J.J. is a packrat of the highest order. I can't begin to count the number of times I've picked up receipts just like this one from his desk, from the kitchen counter, from the bathroom sink and unceremoniously tossed them in the garbage. But on this night, I tucked this receipt into my own wallet. As I did, I thought, "Is this the last shred of the life we used to have?"

J.J. doesn't remember very much from the first couple of weeks after his stroke. He remembers next to nothing about the first few days. I've been trying to give him the blow-by-blow of the first 48 hours, leading to recollections like this one.

In many ways we've come so far since that night. In other ways, I'm still there, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Over a third of stroke survivors have another stroke within two years. One in three. Is it just me, or is this just a staggering percentage to consider?

I'm so proud of J.J. He's done so much to make sure this never happens again, and that he'll be here with me for as long as possible. But it's so hard not to worry when...

51%

This is J.J.'s ejection fraction as of this afternoon, as compared to 23% the day after his stroke. With this new reading, J.J. is no longer is classified as having unstable congestive heart failure. His reading is considered to be on the low end of the normal range.

The cardiologist was the last medical professional we needed to get to endorse J.J.'s return to work. I think we still need to discuss with the voc. rehab people, but J.J. should be back at work two weeks from Monday (8/24/09).

This is such a non-dramatic milestone, considering all the twists and turns we've encountered on this road. But good news is always welcome.