Eli as Dragon

Here's Eli playing the role of dragon in the Wayne Township 4-H play, "King Artie and the Knights of the Rad Table". He was fantastic! So proud of my little actor :)

Long time no see...

Alright, so I know I told all of you about my new blog site, and one of these days I'll get it up and running to the point that I feel comfortable posting it. But for right now, I'm going to try to update this site. It's not fair for those of you who've come this far with us to just leave you hanging.

In stroke-related news, J.J. was approved for Social Security Disability in what has to be the fastest turnaround I've ever heard about. It took only about six weeks from the time he filed until he got his approval. He didn't even have a hearing. You have to be unable to work for at least five full months to get SSDI, so his first payment will be for the month of October, paid in November. In addition, both of our kids get benefits too until they are 18. So once November hits, all of that income will be only about $20 less than what J.J. was bringing home per month from his employment. Go figure. In the meantime, he's still waiting to hear back on the final decision from Voc. Rehab. Hopefully, he'll be starting school two weeks from today.

In kid-related news, everyone's doing well. The kids are enjoying their summer and are spending tons of time in the pool. We just got a puppy at the end of May, and they are having a blast taking care of Pete...when they're here, at least. They've been at my parents' house since last Saturday, except for one 24-hour period when Eli had 4-H play practice.

That's all I can write right now. Just wanted to let you know we're still around!

New Chapter

This has been a week for big changes, some more welcome than others. My family is at a definite crossroads right now...

1. Last Thursday, J.J. lost his job. J.J. liked his job very much and would have been happy to stay there for a long time to come, but what's done is done. I'm not going to dwell on the reasons why. I'm choosing not to be negative. R.W. Armstrong was wonderful to us when J.J. had his stroke, and I can see why y'all were voted the 6th best employer in the city. J.J. has nearly five years of terrific memories and only one day of bad ones, so I think that's something to be commended.

After processing this news, we sat down to have a long discussion. J.J. has felt for some time that he would be more productive in a different career, and obviously with his aphasia and some of his cognitive issues (particularly his problems with math and typing numbers), there are some careers that aren't options for him. He's decided that he wants to study to become a chef, specifically a pastry chef.

If we hadn't been so focused on trying to get back to "normal" after the stroke, J.J. could have transitioned to long-term disability to allow him time to retrain. Voc. Rehab would have paid for his schooling, and he'd already be almost halfway through his program. Unfortunately we didn't pick that path. Now, J.J. will be receiving unemployment and yesterday, we applied for Social Security disability. He's trying to get registered in time to start school this summer. Things are very up in the air.

When J.J. first told me that he was let go, I was devastated, both on his behalf and on behalf of our family. Last night was the first night I've slept all the way through the night since last week. But I think I can finally let it go. We've had struggles before, and times when I thought I couldn't possibly bear all the burdens I'd been given, and times when I thought I'd never have an excuse to smile again. And they always pass, and we have good times again. This is another one of life's learning experiences. And this too shall pass.

2. In a little over a month, J.J. and I will have the place to ourselves for over two months. My parents had already asked if they could keep Eli this summer. When we looked over our budget and realized that we could save over $500 monthly if we asked them to keep Leah too, we did so. They accepted. I'm going to miss them terribly, but I'm so glad that my kids will have the opportunity to spend so much time with their grandparents. They will have so much fun. And J.J. and I could really use some time to reconnect. We've never had the luxury of slowing down to process all that's happened in the last year and a half. Now we'll get that chance.

3. Soon I will be discontinuing this blog. Don't worry, you haven't heard the last of me. I've accepted an offer to become a paid blogger for Examiner.com. My site will become a hub of stroke information for Indianapolis area residents, and you'll still be able to follow our story too. I'll be compensated based on the number of page views I receive, so I'll be counting on all of you to make the leap with me. As soon as my page is built, you'll be the first to know.

That's it. As if that isn't enough.

If you pray, please pray for wisdom for us. Having all these possibilities open is exciting but kind of scary as well. I hope we make the right decisions.

Knee Update

So yesterday was my consult with the knee surgeon. The result? I don't have to have knee surgery after all! He said that what the MRI was showing as a tear is just a general "roughing up" of the surface of my meniscus under the kneecap. He said that there's not much he could do surgically about that and that he thinks my current symptoms are coming from some slight arthritis I have that I just got flared up by carrying Leah around. He gave me a cortisone injection and my knee now feels amazing! I do have the cortisone side effects to deal with (for me, these are a migraine-like headache, nausea, sleeplessness and a low-grade fever) but these should be gone tomorrow. It was totally worth it.

By the way, is there a law that all sports medicine/orthopedics doctors must be drop-dead gorgeous? I've never seen a homely, plain or ugly one. Very interesting.

And just to make this more of a stroke post--the sports medicine clinic is actually inside Hendricks Regional Hospital's main entrance. I haven't walked through those doors since J.J. was in the ICU. I actually teared up a little as I parked my car.

Movement

I had never had an MRI before yesterday morning, so I didn't really know what to expect. Shortly after I was stripped of all metal and laid down onto the board, my legs were strapped into an oddly contorted position. I was told the scan would take about 45 minutes and that it was imperative for me to remain as still as possible.

I had no idea how much I move around in the normal course of a 45 minute period until I couldn't. Not only was I completely antsy, I kept feeling phantom itches that I wanted to scratch, my lower back hurt from remaining totally still, and toward the end I even started getting muscle twitches in my legs. I have never wanted to shake all over like a dog so badly as I did when the scan was finally, finally over.

I had never considered how it must have felt for J.J. during the four days he was in the ICU, when he was left to lie on his back, not able to move his lower body much on his own. I remember him grimacing in pain and indicating that his back hurt. I think it must have been a magnification of what I felt after just 45 minutes. I can't imagine how terrible that was for him. I can't imagine how awful it is for all the stroke survivors out there who are still unable to move their lower bodies months or years after their strokes.

But I'm determined not to take movement for granted anymore. How wonderful are our bodies that all of our bones, tendons, ligaments and muscles can cooperate to allow us to perform such a wide array of tasks with such precision! Just the movements I am engaging in right now (typing, pausing to scratch my arm, frowning as I search for the right word, twisting slightly in my desk chair) are incredibly complex and a total gift.

As I consciously move my body, I'll give thanks for the ability and will move for all those who cannot.

An Update (Mostly About ME!!!)

Okay, so since the drama seems to have attached itself to me this week, y'all get to hear about it. You lucky, lucky people.

1. On Tuesday I finally went to see the doctor about my still-sore knee. Just from the exam she diagnosed a meniscus tear. The question was how bad, so she ordered an MRI to see if it could be treated with physical therapy or if it would require surgery. She also prescribed some anti-inflammatories.

2. By Wednesday (2 doses of anti-inflammatories later), my knee felt amazing. Still does, actually. MRI scheduled for Friday.

3. Yesterday morning I had my MRI. Finished at 11:00 with instructions that I should know something on Tuesday.

4. At 1:00, I got a call that my meniscus is very, very torn and got a stat referral to see a surgeon on Tuesday.

It's been something of a week.

Not Much New

I've been trying to put off posting until I had something to say. There's just not much happening around here right now, folks. The most excitement we've had over the couple of weeks is that Leah broke the fourth toe on her right foot last Sunday night. It's displaced, which was our ticket to an orthopedist (strangely, in the same practice as the one who did J.J.'s meniscus repair last May, so we already knew how to find the office!). Since toes aren't as much of a functional issue as fingers and since the toe is not grossly displaced (it's broken about halfway done and the tip does have a noticeable slant), we opted not to do surgery to pin the break. If Leah's biggest problem is a slightly crooked fourth toe on her right foot, we're obviously blessed.

Anyway, she ended up in a surgical shoe and went down to stay with my parents, since between my mom's job as a professor (if she works 25 hours per week outside of home, it's a busy week!) and my dad owning his own business, it was much more practical to keep her out of day care down there while she convalesced. She's doing great now, and should be out of the surgical shoe a week from tomorrow.

J.J. hasn't had speech therapy for a while. There seems to be a shortage of speech therapists in this area, which is both good and bad. Good because in four years I hope to be one. Bad because we need one now! I think we'll start looking for another practice that accepts our insurance ASAP.

Eli's great, he's been on Spring Break this week and is ready to go back to school. In the meantime, he's sold 292 geraniums for 4-H this year! I may need to rent a flatbed truck to pick them all up, but I'm proud of him.

I'm doing well too. I managed to win the pedometer challenge in my office that was held as part of our wellness program. In 10 days, I walked almost 113,000 steps and won an iPod Shuffle for my efforts. This is a lot of steps, for anyone who's wondering. I did an hour to 90 minutes on the treadmill almost every day during this timeframe. Then Leah broke her toe, and I carried her around a lot for the first two days. My right knee is still sulking over these developments!

I'll be back next week (if not sooner), hopefully with something more interesting to share!

Easter 2010

Took these in the park in Sullivan where we went to play on the playground, still in dress clothes. What kind of mom lets her kids play on the playground in their Easter best? THIS mom!

Certification

Oh yeah, I forgot to update last week. I did pass the exam and am now a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor. One less thing hanging over my head...not to mention, four new snazzy initials to go on my business cards!

Normal

Last Wednesday, I attended the stroke support group at RHI (where J.J. did his rehab and therapy), but J.J. was busy at work and couldn't get away. We had good attendance, including most of the regulars. But a few minutes before we got started, three women slipped into the chairs along the back wall. This is not a group that often gets new members, and I didn't recognize them, so I was mildly curious.

Group started, and our facilitator asked us to introduce ourselves. When we got to the women in the back, we learned that one was the survivor of a stroke in November 2009. The other two were her friends.

This survivor's grief at the changes that had taken place in her life since her stroke was so thick it was almost tangible. She choked out through sobs that she felt that everyone around her from her doctor to her children was pressuring her to get back to normal life as quickly as possible, but she couldn't fathom how she was going to go back to work or resume any of her other duties. "How did YOUR HUSBAND go back to work after six months?" she asked me accusingly. "All I can do is cry!"

We all took turns explaining that she will never go back to her old life. She has been changed by stroke. Life is not over, though--it is different. It is abnormal. But it is what you have, and it will become what you make it. I hope she believed me when I told her that there will come a day when the stroke is no longer the first thing you'll think of when you wake up every morning and the last thing you think of before you go to sleep every night. I don't think she did. I know I wouldn't have believed it just a few months ago.

Toward the end of the group, I was amazed to reflect on how quickly time has passed since the first support group meeting I attended, when I cried about the changes that had taken place in my life. I won't promise that I'll never cry again, but now the sadness is the exception rather than the rule.

Life goes on, even if "normal" doesn't.

Updates

Stroke News:

J.J. saw Dr. Acula (the neurologist, for those of you who are new to our story) today about the memory issue I mentioned a couple of posts down. The doctor seems to think that J.J.'s brain may still have some slight swelling and this may be putting pressure on the parts of his brain that assist with memory. It's also possible that since he has to "rehearse" what he's going to say to come up with all the words, he thinks he's already said those things out loud. Dr. Acula wants to do some testing to see if he can figure out what the deal is. Of course, we have to find out if our insurance will cover the tests, then away we go.

J.J. also (sort of) started speech therapy on Tuesday. As in, he went, but the therapist was sick and just saw him for a few minutes, then rescheduled. He'll start for real next Tuesday.

Family News:

Eli's had two gymnastics classes now and loves it. He's getting to actually work on the equipment (he was on the high bar and vault tonight!) and is really dedicated to practicing at home. I love seeing him this enthusiastic. He's also joined the Origami Club at school. No really, there's really an entire club dedicated to Origami. If this doesn't get him beat up, I don't know what will. In the meantime, I'm finding tiny paper swans all over the house.

Oh, and we think Eli had chicken pox this week. He started getting a rash that would come and go early last week. The one day I almost kept him home, he had ISTEP, so I sent him. Over the weekend, the rash came back. J.J. took him to the pediatrician on Monday and he said it looks to be viral, probably chicken pox, but he's most likely not contagious now anyway, so don't worry too much about it. I feel like Mother of the Year, let me tell you. But he seems to be much better now.

Leah's just back from a few days of claiming all of her grandparents' attention. She's still loving her swimming class and is spending most of her time stressing about the fact that she goes to Kindergarten in the fall and she wants to make sure she knows how to read before she goes. She's already reading a lot more than she wants to admit, but we're going to keep working with her. She has also decided that she's deathly afraid of all buzzing insects because they might be bees. This has made playing outside VERY interesting.

Other:

At 6:30 a.m. I will go to Prometric to test to become a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (otherwise known as the monkey on my back...this is the certification I've been trying to find time to study for since shortly before J.J.'s stroke). Why Prometric thinks I will even be able to recall my name, much less IRA contribution deductibility limits at 6:30 a.m. is beyond me. But anyway, I'd appreciate any good thoughts, prayers and/or extremities-crossing that anyone would like to offer to the cause. I'll update tomorrow evening!

My future grandchildren

This morning while I was doing Leah's hair, she suddenly said, "When I have kids, I'm going to name them Annie, and Erin, and Grammy (what she calls my mom, by the way)." I said, "But what if you have boys? What will you name them?" She answered, "I'll name them Matthew, then Mark, then Luke, then John."

So there you go. The name of her favorite movie character, her mom, her grandma and the apostles. What more could you want?

(Once again, this moment brought to you courtesy of five years of Baptist preschool.)

February

Well, I'm doing better at posting, right? Like I said before, not much is changing day to day now, so it's harder to find things of interest to discuss.

Stroke News:

As J.J. is communicating more, we're noticing that he is still experiencing some memory issues. This is not unusual from what I've been told, and normally persists for 12-24 months post-stroke. But it is annoying, when J.J. swears up and down that he's told me something that I KNOW I would remember (most recently, that he had to pay an exorbitant amount of money to repair his car). I've been talking with another stroke wife on Stroke Network who has recommended that J.J. ask his neurologist about a drug that her husband is on to help with this issue. He has an appointment a week from Thursday.

We've also heard back from the new speech therapist, and J.J. will be starting therapy a week from Tuesday.

Family News:

Eli's school science fair was today. Eli's experiment involving determining the most effective storage method for fresh strawberries, and has resulted in me pulling a moldy box of strawberries out of the refrigerator on more than one occasion recently (they got to make their departure in this morning's trash pickup, thank goodness!). He received a second place medal for his work.

Additionally, Eli will be starting gymnastics on Thursday. He's so excited. Last night when he signed up he came home wearing a shirt with the name of the gym on it, and he slept in it last night. I hope he has a good experience with it.

Leah's swimming lessons started this week. At 5 years old, the biggest criticism her teacher could give me was that her backstroke needs work. Seriously. I'm 31, and I never got the hang of that one either, so I'm not too worried! Anyway, she loves her lessons and I love the fact that she's getting great exercise from them.

Other News:

I found a distance-education program for Speech-Language Pathology that will get me through in three years, as opposed to five with the original program I was considering. But they only start students once a year, in the summer. I really don't see how I'm going to be ready to commit to a program in the middle of everything else that's going on, so I've made the decision to spend this year straightening the rest of my life out. I'll hopefully start the program next summer. In the meantime, I'll continue working on prereqs, so I'll have plenty to keep me busy. I'm taking an Ethics class and Intro to Microcomputers right now (since my class in this subject was in 1997, and since my coursework will all be online, this one is a requirement) and they are both interesting.

That's all I've got tonight, folks. See you next week!

Easter Prayer

So on Wednesday night as we were coming home from swimming lessons, Leah was playing with her Leapster. She has found a section that gives a preview of all of the games that have been released for the Leapster so far, and she often asks for new games, particularly the Spongebob Squarepants game.

Leah: "Mommy, will you buy me the Spongebob game?"
Me: "Not right now sweetie, but Easter is coming up. Maybe the Easter Bunny will bring it."
Leah: "Yeah!" (Bows head, clasps hands) "Dear Jesus, please let the Easter Bunny bring me a Spongebob game. Please be with him to help him pick out the right game in the store. In Your name we pray...oh yeah, and thanks for Mommy, Daddy and Eli. Okay. Amen."

Of course she's going to get the game for Easter. It's actually in the closet right now. But it's good to know we'll have Jesus on our side if we have any trouble in the gift department. And I'm totally charmed by being a clear afterthought in this prayer.

This moment brought to you courtesy of five years of Baptist preschool.

As promised...

So now we are a year and four days away from the day that was simultaneously the worst and the best day of our lives.

I can picture the puzzled looks as all of you reread that previous sentence. Please allow me to explain...obviously, it was a horrific experience that I've complained about far too often here. But J.J.'s congestive heart failure was finally diagnosed the day after his stroke, and that stopped an even worse horrific experience from coming about.

Some of you know that in the three weeks or so before his stroke, J.J. felt very ill. His entire GI system was so inflamed that he was on a liquid diet from January 29 until February 14 (when he finally was so hungry that he ate a sandwich). He had been to our family doctor several times and had been referred to a cardiologist due to a possible arrhythmia. The cardiologist diagnosed J.J. as having slight hypertension and sent him home with some medication. The pain didn't improve. In fact, the entire week before his stroke I was griping at J.J. to go back to our family doctor. He had scheduled an appointment for the following Tuesday. February 17.

He didn't make it to that appointment.

But now we know why J.J. was so sick in the days leading up to his stroke.

He was dying. His body was shutting down because his heart was no longer strong enough to supply all of his organs with blood flow. And we had no idea.

THANK GOD HE HAD THAT STROKE.

Not to sound alarmist, but J.J.'s stroke probably saved him from a massive heart attack. The hole J.J. will carry in the white matter of his brain for the rest of his life was the ticket off the hearse.

As much as I sometimes miss J.J.'s sense of humor and pointed quips and rambling conversations, I would miss his hugs and his smiles and his laughter and his presence even more.

These are just some of the thoughts that have raced through my mind in the last couple of weeks as we've counted down to strokeiversary. On the way, we marked the anniversary of the appointment with our family doctor that marked the start of the stroke experience (at least in my head), the anniversary of the heavy snowfall where J.J. spent two hours clearing a ten-foot strip of our driveway before collapsing in exhaustion, the anniversary of the last date night we had pre-stroke, etc. Valentine's Day was difficult, as that was the last full day of our old lives. And as hard as it was to remember all of the milestones leading up to this day, I expected Monday to be a wild tissue-laden sorrow bacchanal.

But it wasn't. It started off a little differently than planned, as I had intended to take the kids to day care for a little while so J.J. and I could have a nice lunch out and see a movie, but we awoke to a significantly heavier snowfall than was expected and decided we didn't want to go out in it. So we spent a peaceful day as a family, and it felt like the perfect celebration. Particularly when J.J. went outside and shoveled the entire driveway in 20 minutes.

I doubt I'll ever let February 15 get by without notice ever again. I hope they all resemble 2010's February 15 much more than 2009's version.

As much as this stroke was a blessing, there is such a thing as too much of something good.

Voicemail

It always jars me when I call J.J.'s work number and get his voicemail. You see, the whole six months he was out, they left his voicemail greeting alone. Since J.J. never recorded a personal greeting on his cell phone voicemail, it's one of the last recordings we have of how he sounded pre-stroke.

His voice sounds so loud on that recording, so forceful. He sounds like he's spitting the words out in a huge hurry, like taking the time to set up his voicemail is a bother. (He also makes one of my least favorite voicemail gaffs..."You've reached J.J. Robertson's desk," it says. Leading me to congratulate J.J. on having such a smart desk...I wish my desk would take messages!)

He sounds nothing at all like the J.J. I know now. My J.J. is a soft-spoken man whose words are carefully selected and uttered with complete focus and concentration. He may not say as much anymore, but you know everything he says is special. It takes too much effort for him to engage in idle chatter. And when he forgets a word, he smiles and shrugs so sweetly. He's not upset by the word that got away, he's just thrilled about all the ones he managed to find.

He's different. Life's different. And it's good; maybe even better than pre-stroke, because we remember to live it now.

Once again tonight, I'm not going to get the post written about the big one year anniversary. I'm tired tonight and I want to get to bed before too long. Tomorrow will be a big day, though. Look for explanation tomorrow evening.

Strokeiversary

One year ago in 45 minutes, our lives changed. Normal has become a thing of the past; but who is happy settling for merely normal anyway? I don't have the time tonight to discuss all the things I've learned over the last year, or all the thoughts I've had going through my head in the last week or so as we've counted down to this day. Luckily it's been very low-key and even I (big crier that I am) haven't cried once. But there's plenty of time for me to describe all of this to you. There's not as much time for me to curl up in bed with my husband to reminisce about the significance of this first anniversary of the day J.J. received his second chance at life.

Look for a longer post tomorrow. In the meantime, be well.

Super Bowl Sunday

Like a large portion of the rest of the nation, we've got a pot of chili on the stove and the big screen TV on. Unlike most of the rest of the nation, we aren't watching anything remotely resembling the Super Bowl (although we did watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet for a little while earlier). We are not a big sports family. J.J. and I don't care at all, Eli is an ardent Bears fan and Leah only likes the Colts because, "they go for Indianapolis."

I'm procrastinating because I've got a tremendous amount of work left to do tonight; I have to finish this week's homework, create a zip file of the last photo shoot I did and start editing pictures from the wedding I shot on Friday night. Yes, that's right...during the biggest snowfall of the season thus far, I was up in Anderson shooting my first wedding. After an overnight stay in a hotel, blatant disregard of a Level 1 Travel Advisory and a harrowing drive that took much of yesterday to complete, this weekend has been a blur.

This week, I'm not sure that anything all that significant has happened. We're still waiting for the speech therapist to call with the results of J.J.'s assessment and to schedule his first session of the new year, but we weren't expecting to hear anything until around the 10th anyway. We've all been sick at some point this week (well, scratch that--Leah's been fine. She's usually the wellest one in the family) but we're all feeling better now. And this is the last weekend before the "My husband has been a stroke survivor for one whole year!" festivities that take place next weekend.

So, I'm not going to hold you up today. I'm sure you have better things to do than read this boring update. So...go Colts (because if they win, our office will be closed until 10:00 a.m. tomorrow!)

January

To any of you who may still be reading this blog, bless you. I'm sorry that I've been so bad about updating. In the bustle of life, updating this blog often just seems like one more thing to do. But you all deserve to know what's going on with our story, especially since you've come this far with us. That's why I am officially promising to begin updating at least once a week from here on out. Sunday evenings are the most likely culprits for me to have the chance to update, but that may deviate over time. Just check in once a week; I promise you'll stay up-to-date.

Stroke News:

J.J. went for his six month checkup with the cardiologist on Thursday. His ejection fraction has improved to 52% (normal range for a man of J.J.'s age is 50-65%, as compared to J.J.'s ejection fraction of 23% the day after his stroke). His weight has continued to come down, and he'll be reaching another milestone weight soon. The cardiologist has indicated that he will discontinue J.J.'s Plavix when he loses another 50 lbs., but will keep J.J. on daily aspirin therapy for the rest of his life. Plavix is the most expensive of the drugs J.J. takes, so getting this one discontinued would be very good. The cardiologist also gave the green light for us to talk with our family doctor about discontinuing J.J.'s simvastatin, which is a cholestorol-lowering drug. J.J.'s most recent total cholesterol was 117 (under 200 is good), so it doesn't seem that he needs this one anymore. Once Dr. Roberts comes back from maternity leave, we'll check in with her about this. All in all, it was a good cardiology appointment. J.J. will go back again in August.

Also on Thursday, J.J. was evaluated for speech therapy. We changed health insurance companies this year and J.J. now qualifies for additional speech therapy sessions. We should hear from someone this week to set up J.J.'s first appointment.

J.J.'s language abilities are still improving. Last night I asked him to verify my spelling of a word (glamour; I was reading a book that had it spelled "glamor" and I was doubting whether I was right or the book was) and he was able to spell the word aloud. He still has some trouble with numbers, leading me to sometimes have to make exasperated exclamations like, "3! 3! It's the one that looks like a backwards E!" He was, however, able to fill out his own FAFSA form yesterday. There's no indication that this trend of improvement will be stopping anytime soon.

The big stroke anniversary is coming up on 2/15. I'm soliciting ideas for what we should do to celebrate, so if you have suggestions, please post them or email me at erinrobertson at sbcglobal dot net.

Family News:

Very little. Kids are terrific; we seem to have gotten a handle on the bullying problem Eli was encountering at school, although we're still looking at changing schools for next year. He's getting ready to restart drum lessons and we're looking into gymnastics classes for him (he's fascinated with the pommel horse). He'd really prefer to start wrestling, but I'd like him to be at least 12 before he starts that. We'll see who wins. Leah is getting ready to start swimming lessons again later this month. She swims like a fish already, but it's great exercise and she loves it so we're continuing with it.

That's enough for tonight.

I'm not feeling well (I've had a kind of mildly upset stomach for the last couple of days), so I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight. Hope it's a good week for all of you out there in cyberspace!

First Step

Today I took the first step toward what I hope will be my future career.

Some of you may know this already, but for those of you who don't, I am preparing to go back to school to study speech/language pathology (SLP). This is a field I knew nothing about at this time last year. Obviously I've become well acquainted since then.

I am famous for going to school. I have spent only about three years since I was 5 years old not enrolled in some scholastic endeavor. When I started to get that familiar longing in June, I decided that I'd take some classes in SLP so I could learn some techniques to assist J.J. Our previous insurance rocked in many ways, but it covered only 20 sessions of speech therapy once J.J. was outpatient, so within about 2.5 months of his stroke he was done with these. He still had (and continues to have) quite a ways to go on his recovery journey. Being who I am, I decided that if I couldn't get speech therapy for J.J. through any other method, I'd have to do it myself.

Something has changed since June. This isn't about just helping J.J. anymore. It's about helping all those other rehab patients who are recovering from stroke or other types of traumatic brain injuries. As wonderful as J.J.'s therapist was, she didn't know what it felt like to sit on the other side of that table and to cheer on a loved one while holding their hand. I do. That's got to count for something.

After taking several months to research my options, I selected a distance education program to which I will make application. And I scheduled to take the GRE. I've actually taken the test once before, but it was a little over 10 years ago and I'm sure my scores don't even exist anymore. I've taken the GMAT more recently, but that's not going to help me in this field. So last month I scheduled the test for today, knowing I had the day off.

When the alarm went off at 4:30 this morning (honestly, can't they schedule these things later in the day?) I instantly regretted my decision. But somehow I managed to get myself ready and to Prometric on time, and at 6:51 a.m. I signed in for the test.

The nicest thing about computer-based testing is the instant gratification of knowing your scores before you leave the testing center. The verbal and analytical sections of the GRE are scored out of 800. I received a 660 on the verbal section, which places me in the 93 percentile for test takers in the last year. I received a 700 in the analytical section, which places me in the 70 percentile and reassures me that I'm not becoming one of those "numbers" people after all!

I'm fairly happy with my scores, especially since I did almost no preparation. Next step is to write my personal statement (this should be easy--I think I've been writing my personal statement since I started this blog). With any luck, I'll start my program in the fall, and in about five long years I'll be ready to start working in the field.

But I'm not going to think about all the steps I still need to take. For now, I'm going to enjoy the one I've completed.