I might love you, yeah, but I love me more...

Where to start? First of all, J.J. having his license back is so incredibly awesome I can't even put it into words. Yesterday morning I got to get dressed without turning my back so whatever kid was in the room with me wouldn't be traumatized, and I cranked the radio in my car so loud on the way into work that I totally missed a call from the INHP President (again, sorry about that Moira!). It was completely decadent and I have no idea how we made it through the 53 days that J.J. couldn't drive.

Even more important is what it did for J.J.'s confidence level. He looks so much more sure of himself, and I've even noticed a little bit of difference in his speech as a result. I know this went a long way toward making him feel like a normal person again and not an invalid.

In fact, he went to work yesterday just to walk around and show off to everyone. I've been offering to take him to work for a while, but he said he wanted to wait until he could drive himself there. He reports that everyone misses him and that this blog is getting quite a bit of readership (so hi there, RWA!). He said he was even able to help Kevin to work through a problem, even though Kevin had to help him find the words to state the fix a couple of times. Which explains why he's still off work. But he's getting closer.

Last night we drove to Louisville in the pouring rain to see our seventh Cowboy Mouth concert. As you may recall, we discovered Cowboy Mouth in the fall of 2007 at the Southern Comfort Music Experience and were instantly hooked. In addition to the fact that the music is incredible and is played by some of the most skilled musicians around, the concerts are like a big party/rave/revival. In between being brow-beat into putting my hands in the air, jumping around and being instructed to pretend like I was five years old on Christmas morning, I didn't have a whole lot of time to remember my problems. J.J. was noticably more quiet than he has been at other Cowboy Mouth shows we've attended (both because of his weakened vocal chord and because he has forgotten all the words to the songs), but we both had a great time. The title of this post is a line from one of the songs we heard last night, which almost made me cry in certain parts. The song is called "Take Me Back to New Orleans", and it's all about going home, whatever you define home to be. For me, it now speaks to my nostalgia for the past:
The Texas sun beats down upon me like the devil's smile
I'd rather be anywhere else than here
Was it a blinding lack of subtlety or just a lack of style
When responding to the ways and means of fear

Take me back to New Orleans
And drop me at my door
'Cause I might love you, yeah
But I love me more

My fingernails are bit until there's nothing left but skin
I'd rather be anyone else right now
The light that shone within my eyes is slowly growing dim
She told me where, told me when, but she didn't say how

Take me back to New Orleans
And don't call me anymore
'Cause I might love you, yeah
But I love me more

(She said)
How can I make this unhappen?
(I said)
You cannot make this unhappen
Choose before your choices fade away
(She said)
I could be home by tomorrow
If I could beg, steal or borrow
I said you're there, you might as well stay

The morning light arises through another crack in the glass
The lack of sleep has made me numb
But sometimes when she sleeps she'll turn and she'll whisper his name
That cake must taste great but I'll pass when you offer me some

Take me back to New Orleans
And drop me at my door
'Cause I might love you, yeah
But I love me more

Take me back to New Orleans
And don't call me anymore
'Cause I might love you, yeah
I might love you, yeah
I might love you, yeah
But I love me more
I love me more
I love me more

But I didn't cry. In fact, I haven't cried since Tuesday night. So things are looking up.

I just sent J.J. out to get lunch for me. I have lots to do today, and I seem to have acquired the cold that J.J. and both kids have (my immune system is totally shot from all the stress and the lack of sleep) so I'll be doing it in a fog. But it will be a good day. I'm spending it with the love of my life, with my first thought each morning and my last thought at night, with the person who knows me best (and still somehow loves me anyway)...