My life

So this is kind of a selfish post, but I need to reason this out, and where better than in public for anyone who happens by to see?

I'm a believer in the power of visualization, not so much in that creepy "The Secret" kind of way (apologies to any of you who are followers, but I can't get past a couple of key points) but mostly because I think you need to be able to picture what you want to figure out how to get there. I totally feel that if I can imagine it, I should be able to have it. Nobody's stopping me except me.

So if that's all it takes, what do I want from my life?

Of course, the first and most important thing for me is that my family is well and together. I am raising two incredible human beings who make me proud to be their mother and who will make this world a better place. I want to continue to instill in them the confidence that comes from knowing that you are loved and that your parents love each other. I'm going to encourage their dreams and to teach them the importance of doing what you know is right, spending your time in ways that make you happy and remembering to be thankful for what you have. I know I can't protect my children from all the bad in this world, nor would I want to. They will need to endure struggles so they can discover who they are and can identify that they have strength beyond what they ever imagined. But I hope that they will find special partners to accompany them on their life journeys, to share their burdens and keep them laughing, and mostly importantly to GIVE ME GRANDCHILDREN! (I've listened to my parents enough to know that that's where the payoff in this parenting business occurs!)

My husband is going to continue to be the man I'm in love with, and we are going to continue to have adventures together and to discover new things about each other every day and to be so cute together that we inspire spontaneous puking episodes from many we encounter and envy from the rest. Now that we know what's wrong with J.J., there's no reason he can't live to be an old man hanging out in a rocker on the front porch with me (notice that I didn't reference myself getting old--J.J. is almost three years older, so I'll continue to be young even as he gets old! :))

I'm also going to have made peace with this body and will have started treating it much better, in the way a creation of God's hands deserves to be maintained. I'll exercise regularly and eat right and sleep more than only sporadically. I'll also control my stress better, because in the long run, what do I really have to be stressed about?

I'm going to be doing work that I love. I love what I do right now, but I'm not entirely sure that it's my life's purpose. I'm going to figure out what that purpose is and I'm going to pursue it. I do know that it will be in the helping professions, most likely in nonprofit like what I do now (it's really hard to return to Corporate America after you've felt what life on this side is like). Will it be at INHP? Don't know. Will it be with our new nonprofit organization? Right now I think it's a good possibility, but I still am not sure. I do know that I have the knowledge and skills to be successful in whatever I choose to do, so I'm going to enjoy the journey to that point.

I'm going to return to school. Some of you know (and heck, I may have blogged about this, can't remember and don't care to look it up) that I was accepted into a Ph.D. program and have tenatively scheduled to begin in December. Now that I've had more time to think about it, I'm not entirely sure I'm in the right program--luckily I've got time to figure this out now and not when I'm deep into the program! Whatever the field, I know I'll someday earn my doctoral degree. It's kind of a life goal to prove to myself that I can.

I could go on for hours describing the life I'm going to have (and can I just say that this is amazingly empowering and liberating? Try it for yourself, you won't be sorry!) but the rest is merely details. I will have enough money to be comfortable and to be able to enjoy life without having so much that I lose sight of the value of each dollar. I will have many opportunities to assist others. I will encounter those who are meant to teach me lessons in life, and I will never stop learning. I will not try to be what I'm not. I will not focus on my weaknesses but will instead choose to build upon my strengths. I will walk the walk and talk the talk. And at the end of my life, I will know I've done my best.

It's been an amazing life already. It's going to keep being an amazing life. Not in spite of this stroke--because of it.

I've talked about all the ways my life has changed due to the stroke. In my weakest moments, I dwell on the negative impacts. I won't lie, there are many. But to be perfectly honest, there are almost as many positive impacts.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kiss my sleeping husband and enjoy the rest of this night.