As promised...

So now we are a year and four days away from the day that was simultaneously the worst and the best day of our lives.

I can picture the puzzled looks as all of you reread that previous sentence. Please allow me to explain...obviously, it was a horrific experience that I've complained about far too often here. But J.J.'s congestive heart failure was finally diagnosed the day after his stroke, and that stopped an even worse horrific experience from coming about.

Some of you know that in the three weeks or so before his stroke, J.J. felt very ill. His entire GI system was so inflamed that he was on a liquid diet from January 29 until February 14 (when he finally was so hungry that he ate a sandwich). He had been to our family doctor several times and had been referred to a cardiologist due to a possible arrhythmia. The cardiologist diagnosed J.J. as having slight hypertension and sent him home with some medication. The pain didn't improve. In fact, the entire week before his stroke I was griping at J.J. to go back to our family doctor. He had scheduled an appointment for the following Tuesday. February 17.

He didn't make it to that appointment.

But now we know why J.J. was so sick in the days leading up to his stroke.

He was dying. His body was shutting down because his heart was no longer strong enough to supply all of his organs with blood flow. And we had no idea.

THANK GOD HE HAD THAT STROKE.

Not to sound alarmist, but J.J.'s stroke probably saved him from a massive heart attack. The hole J.J. will carry in the white matter of his brain for the rest of his life was the ticket off the hearse.

As much as I sometimes miss J.J.'s sense of humor and pointed quips and rambling conversations, I would miss his hugs and his smiles and his laughter and his presence even more.

These are just some of the thoughts that have raced through my mind in the last couple of weeks as we've counted down to strokeiversary. On the way, we marked the anniversary of the appointment with our family doctor that marked the start of the stroke experience (at least in my head), the anniversary of the heavy snowfall where J.J. spent two hours clearing a ten-foot strip of our driveway before collapsing in exhaustion, the anniversary of the last date night we had pre-stroke, etc. Valentine's Day was difficult, as that was the last full day of our old lives. And as hard as it was to remember all of the milestones leading up to this day, I expected Monday to be a wild tissue-laden sorrow bacchanal.

But it wasn't. It started off a little differently than planned, as I had intended to take the kids to day care for a little while so J.J. and I could have a nice lunch out and see a movie, but we awoke to a significantly heavier snowfall than was expected and decided we didn't want to go out in it. So we spent a peaceful day as a family, and it felt like the perfect celebration. Particularly when J.J. went outside and shoveled the entire driveway in 20 minutes.

I doubt I'll ever let February 15 get by without notice ever again. I hope they all resemble 2010's February 15 much more than 2009's version.

As much as this stroke was a blessing, there is such a thing as too much of something good.